Whoa!!! Its been 8 months since I was here. Honestly a lot has happened chief among them being planning my wedding and getting married in the midst of big challenges.But am grateful,am happy and encouraged to have some of you check on me and more so having new subscribers.
Adulting has been real my people!I turned 24 barely a fortnight ago and during my birthday I do a lot of introspection, set goals and review progress.I don’t have a specific way to explain this,please flow with my random thoughts.
Adulting reveals power and self control
Those who know me very well know that I am very talkative.It runs in our family(One day the teachers told my dad I was a noise maker in class,my dad calmly explained that it is genetic.) However,the more I grow up I have found myself wanting to open my mouth to say something then suddenly decide against it.Why? I get that feeling that it isn’t worth my time and sentiments.Not because it is silly but the question is whether it is building me(and those who will hear)up or not.
In addition,I have realised am quarreling less.Yes,let’s shock together.And if I am quarrelling I am finding myself at a position where I hold an internal conversation on what to say.Honestly,this has taken a lot of Holy Ghost help.I am very quick with words but of late I want to tell you to you-know-what off but then the Holy Spirit quickly points out why it is wrong to say that.It is a war at times especially when I am very angry but it is peace when I know I won’t regret saying something wrong.
Sometimes I have many random thoughts and comments I’d want to post on social media but then I stop,carefully think through them and leave it at that.It springs from the thoughts of what I want my image to be on social media;a noisemaker or logical thinker.It feels like am not being myself but again am at peace knowing it won’t haunt me in the future should I change my mind and internet never forgets.
Adulting has put me in a place of seeking my personal truth.
This process has had me looking deeper within myself to find out how I feel at the moment,agree with it and then deal with it. Say I’ve just flopped somewhere,I am at a place where I am honest enough to cry if I have to then get up and keep moving.In addition it has gotten me to define my values to live by and the meaning of success in my life.That’s my truth,no compromise.
I love to be a know-it-all(positively of course) but lately am so comfortable not knowing everything and listening/reading to learn.Just the other day we were having this conversation with my sister and a friend of what chores children used to do after school some years back.My sister(younger than me)offered an interesting perspective that challenged mine and taught me in the same measure.Truth be told,no one knows everything and that knowledge can make you feel inferior or want to listen to know more.It’s your choice.
Another truth I’ve found out is that there are relationships and behaviours that will die –a painful death–more so in this new life season I got into.Worse still,in my spiritual and married life I’ll have to die to self.I’ve resolved to accept it,walk in it and adjust accordingly without hard feelings especially where my partner is involved(As the Lord helps me).
As adults we are confronted with societal expectations of how to deal with the good,bad and ugly of our lives so we wear a mask but how often do we seek to find what we know to be our truth? Seeking your truth,living by it makes you authentic and at this point of my life I want to be authentic not posing.What happens when you forget the pose?….I forgot how to pose and ended up with depression and anxiety(story for another post).Effective this year my personal mantra has been ‘Be real!’
I know and believe I have a long life ahead of me and that this adulting process is for life therefore I have decided to make the most out of it because that’s what we call EXPERIENCE. The lows come and go and I’ve realised they last only for a season and then the highs just like spring season come.
At times it is frustrating,worrying especially of what lies ahead but the grace is sufficient.
Adulting has given me confidence
Early this year I applied for a job that only required 200 people.1768 applied and we were invited for the interview where we had to prove that we were worth our salt. Yours truly aced it! That was a major boost to my confidence,I started to actually believe I could do anything in my life.I have gone on to launch my bag collection and found myself swimming in murky waters called entrepreneurship so when things get really tough I remember that I can do it and that’s refreshing.
I am not tooting my own horn far from it but it is a human need to want to be confident yet sometimes confidence hangs in the balance as you fail time and again but if only you remind yourself of one small achievement you made.That’s the oasis you need in the desert of self doubt.
Adulting has taught me gratitude
I am not where I want to be but thank God I am not where I started out.I love when things are going according to plan so when stuff delays or God decides to take His time I tend to grow weary,anxious and impatient but with this growth I’ve learnt to be thankful for the little progress that’s showing.
God loves people who give thanks,it’s faith in itself.I don’t have a car but thank God I can afford bus fare every single day.I don’t have a company yet but praise the Lord,I can sew a few pieces and sell them at a profit.Give thanks and watch your mind be at peace (See Philippians 4:6-7).
Becoming an adult and self actualization is hard and fascinating. We can’t exhaust it but we can share our experiences to encourage one another.Feel free to share yours at the comment section.
Blessings,
Wambui Muriuki-Mlima.
Wambui Muriuki 